Craigslist Posting of the Decade

Taking it down more than a couple notches from my last post in terms of sincerity and taste, this made me LOL, text is below.

“To the woman that crapped in my car. (NE Portland) 
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. 

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. 

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive. 

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat… 

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. 

I await your call, 
Stout 
P.S. – If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early.Touché.”

The author of this post, the hilarious yet unfortunate Tad Keppler, was profiled in the Willamette Week for a recent Valentine’s Day issue, scroll down, he’s featured about halfway down the page.

While on the subject of women having scatological problems on dates, this is a great ad for a locksmith:

Listening to: Noah & The Whale – Shape of My Heart

Last ate: Egg salad and avocado sandwich on toasted wheat bread…messy but delicious

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2 Responses to Craigslist Posting of the Decade

  1. Chinhustler says:

    yo… that was a great CL ad. I went on a date just like that…but she had stinky farts she tried to blame on the “cows”. There were no cows.

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