Being a single guy who’s had no luck in dating the opposite sex lately, I’ve found myself going on a lot of man dates. The most recent one was this weekend when we went to see I Love You, Man. In case you’ve been living under a rock, the movie (which was quite funny) is about a guy who goes on a series of man dates to find a new best friend. While there were a number of similarities between the movie and our relationship, my buddy and I didn’t talk about them because such things aren’t done on man dates.
Lenin: advocate of the proletariat and the set shot
It was only natural to take this decorated resume to the big time…that’s right, I’m talking about the Intermediate League at the Parnassus Barnach of the UCSF Gym. I gathered my squad, and we’ve spent the past two months wreaking havoc on the league as the tastefully named Urethra Franklins. This league is largely made up of medical students, and the highlight of the season was when a player on an opposing team actually asked me if we were urologists. I told him that we were.
Despite being one of the worst players on the team, I add value by setting picks and submitting the registration form on time. On Monday we had a heartbreaking playoff loss to a team of fundamentally sound older guys. After the game we drowned our sorrows in beer and took solace in the fact that they’ll probably die before we do.
The new season starts in a couple of weeks, and that means we have to pick a new name. Please cast your vote below:
Last ate: Grilled chicken breast and a salad (bear with me, I’m trying to be healthy)
Listening to: Queen – Fat Bottom Girls (probably the greatest song of the 20th century)
Much of his Neverland Ranch estate is up for auction next month, you can peruse the catalog of items up for sale here. There are more bronze statuettes of children in here than you would expect from a grown man, but not more bronze statuettes of children than you would expect from Michael Jackson.
I had this poster over my bed in college. It didn't creep girls out at all.
And lastly, he announced a new 50 show engagement in London. That’s right, because of mounting financial pressure due to enormous legal fees incurred in defending himself against multiple child molestation charges he loves his fans so much, MJ announced that he’ll be doing the string of concerts. You can see his announcement in the supremely bizarre press conference below.
Oh yeah, I GOT TICKETS TO ONE OF THE SHOWS. After getting home late from playing pool with a friend (who cleverly took advantage of the fact that I suck at pool), I discovered that presale tickets had just become available in London. I was able to scrounge up enough pounds to buy a few, so I’ll be shipping off to London with my brother to bask/cower in his glory/weirdness. Good times!
I had a lengthy conversation with a friend the other day about the economy, and I was momentarily inspired to write a 3,000 word post on stagflation. I soon realized that I don’t know what stagflation means, however, and quickly put the idea to rest.
Get it? It's a play on words. I can't believe you didn't get it.
One of the more extraordinary things I’ve seen recently was Andy Rooney’s segment on 60 Minutes this week. The only conceivable reason he’s still on the air is that the over-200 demographic still kind of likes him. In the below clip he takes on the controversial topic of “the months”…I’m still waiting to hear back from the CBS customer service department to see if they’ll give me those three minutes of my life back.
WARNING: Watching this clip will make you dumber.
Because nothing can really follow that, below is a low-quality rainbow photo taken from my office.
The pot of gold was in Oakland, where it was promptly stolen.
Last ate: Got totally ripped off at Burgermeister: A chessebruger, curly fries and a beer for $21
Listening to: Tracks of My Tears – Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
I just got back from the dentist, and the funniest thing about the whole experience to me is when you’re making a follow up appointment after you’ve seen the doctor. The exchange invariably goes something like this:
Receptionist: Are you free at 9:40 on a Friday in 7 months?
Free colonoscopy – In a blatant attempt to piggyback off the rousing success of this blog (a way more likely scenario than promoting public health), CBS has launched a new sweepstakes that offers a free colonoscopy to the winner. I wholeheartedly support adequate gastroenterological care for all, but am disappointed that the Tiffany Network would hold this contest without offering me royalties, or at least a free colonoscopy myself.